Have you ever stopped and wonder what it is you’re searching for?July 14th, 2010 @ 7:56 pm
Okay… want a detox update?
I am on day 4 (it’s Wednesday, right? *goes to check* Right.) and no brain zaps, one very mild panic attack, one slight moment of bitchiness, and one moment where I broke down in tears – but I had a good reason and I’ll get to that in a second. Basically, I have a really good feeling about this. I have not told S.O. that I am off my meds and I must be doing really well because typically by day 2 he is asking me what is going on and if I have taken my meds.
I took a Benedryl last night (read on line in numerous places that doctors are recommending that for people who encounter side effects or withdrawals while weaning off anti-depressants) and I slept well. Most of my panic attacks seem to set in late at night or around 2 or 3am. I had a couple of intense dreams but so far, so good.
The last time I went cold turkey it was after I had been taking 20mg daily for months straight. By day 7 I was hallucinating and sleeping about 20 hours straight. This time I’m cold turkey off 2.5mg – I’m guessing that’s why my symptoms are so much more mild. *fingers crossed*
On Sunday we attended the send off and motorcycle escort of my cousin to Marine Bootcamp. I’m devastated. I didn’t want him to go into the military and truthfully – he was forced into it by his mother. It’s a long heartbreaking story that I’m not quite ready to get into. Let’s leave it as he’s a good kid – so there were ZERO discipline issues. His mother is just a crackpot bitch who prefers her “new family” to the one she walked away from that included him. His father is my stepmom’s older brother (my uncle, basically).
He’s really more like my nephew (or my son) than my cousin… he’s actually 3 months younger than Julien and he and Julien were born in the same birthing center, same room just 3 months apart. I adore this kid. ADORE. And I showed more emotion and hugged him more at his send off than his own mother did. Deirdre is very upset and Julien has been in tears off and on since Sunday. It’s been very tough.
Then today S.O. called to let me know that the one big contract his company has is being canceled in September / October. If his boss (my mother’s boyfriend) doesn’t bring on more work – S.O. will be forced to take a BIG pay cut. Notice, S.O. actually MAKES money for the company – but the dipshit is going to keep my mother on and cut S.O.’s pay.
Just when I think things are getting better… just when I am sure I can see the light at the end of the tunnel – I find out it’s a fucking train.
I’m okay though. I’m really rebounding quickly on this one. I have a couple of irons in the fire and God willing, they’ll work out and a pay cut will only mean we won’t have much “fun” cash left over. I was looking forward to having “fun cash” again there hasn’t been any of it for a very, very long time – but I can’t bitch. A lack of “fun” means keeping my house and feeding my kids. That works. I can do that.
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My Thoughts
July 14, 2010 at 8:18 pm
I’ve been living frugal for the last few months. Then I spent all that frugal money to have a hitch installed. So I go frugal again, only buying myself 2 books (ebooks) this week because I’d already budgeted them into the account.
But, be like me, and think that one day, we won’t have to be frugal.
July 15, 2010 at 8:36 am
My son bounced back and forth whether to go to college or join the military. He chose college. Needless to say I am happy at the decision but I would have supported him no matter what he chose, even if I didn’t like it. I am learning to let go and let him grow. It’s hard but that is what happens right? Not sure how I will be when he brings home the girl that he chooses to be his wife LOL!
As far as S.O. being forced to take a paycut, aren’t there laws to protect against that? I know that they can choose to not give you a raise but to take away from what you are already earning seems criminal to me. That is just my opinion. Maybe this could be a sign that there will be other doors opened to you and S.O. regarding your own company. Bring it so far out of life supp0rt that S.O. will have no other choice but to leave them high and dry. It could happen.
And kudos to you for taking the step to get off the meds. That is a huge step forward and I hope it continues to be a smooth ride, minus the little bumps you have already encountered! You are in my thoughts always!
July 15, 2010 at 8:44 am
A couple months ago I heard thru the grapevine that I might lose my job due to lack of business in my area. It really rocked me for a bit. Then I decided to look at it from a different angle. My life has been in a rut for a little while now and this is a chance for me to shake things up and embark on a new adventure. Find your silver lining, its there.
And yanno what? My panic attacks have returned to me after many many years of being gone. They are very mild but they hit me around 2 or 3 in the morning as well.
July 15, 2010 at 9:42 pm
In answer to your post’s title: yes. But then I get freaked out when I can’t figure it out so I think about something else.
Fingers crossed for you on the meds! I just flat quit taking mine after a long while and it was a little (maybe a lot) hairy around here for awhile when I was evening out. It sounds like you did it the smart way.
That sucks with your cousin. The last thing I’d do is push my child into that. If you want to go? Fine. But not shoving him out the nest towards it.
S.O. works for idiots. That’s my professional opinion. Because I know lots of idiots.
July 16, 2010 at 4:38 pm
Sad that your cousin had to go, but at least he is now on his own, and has a future where he won’t have to worry about a cold heartless mother. (silver lining!)
Can SO maybe start looking around for another job and be the one to leave THEM high and dry?