Bite me, I thought it was clever! (The title)

I woke up to a pink sky this morning. Pink… honest. Big huge puffy clouds reflecting the sun’s rising rays. I don’t recall ever seeing a sky look like that. It was like something out of a little girl’s drawing. The type of little girl who hasn’t had a boy break her heart, who still believes that there is a pretty land where unicorns exist, she dreams about wearing a big beautiful white dress with a long white veil and roses on her wedding day… and she draws pictures of big, fluffy pink clouds against a blue sky.

Anyway, life goes on, the pendulum swings the other direction and you get up in the morning pour a cup of coffee and keep moving. I wish I could tell you how S.O. and I had this long heart to heart talk, that we hashed it all out for the better. Instead, we tip-toed around each other politely. We chit-chatted about inconsequential stuff, and today he came home and invited me out to the back patio to have a beer and enjoy the strange warmth and sunshine that floated into the backyard in January.

A storm is moving in. I hope to God that that is strictly the weather and that nothing metaphorically lies in that prediction. When a storm approaches we get a little warm up. Nothing dramatic, high 50′s… practically tropical for January. Then the rain will move in, wash my world down, the icy winds will blow through and winter will be restored to it’s stark and chilly glory.

We didn’t talk about serious things, but that’s not entirely true. We danced around them, gingerly, we came to some fragile agreements and we sipped a few beers. I had a shot of tequila, he cracked a few jokes. He kissed me and hugged me. Then the sun went down, it got cold and I needed a shower to warm up my bones. He offered to come up and keep me company and we talked about the carpet we hate, the crown molding we want to put in the family room, and how we had each reorganized our end of the closet. Then we “christened” the closet, spontaneously and completely without resentment or anger over the past few days.

It doesn’t make it all okay, it doesn’t make it go away. But, that’s the little secret about marriage that no one ever tells you or admits to. Sometimes you are just too tired to keep trying and you just fall into each other for a freaking respite from the bullshit and you hope you get up the next day trying to do better than you’ve done before. Could be worse. It could always be worse.